We date hoping to find a unique connection with someone. But where it gets tricky is understanding the difference between a healthy connection and a fleeting surge of lust. First dates are both meaningful and superficial. They tell us everything and yet nothing at all. With only a few hours to decide if this person is worth more of our time, we search for any signs of a connection.
The race against time causes us to rely on superfluous gestures we can quickly identify. The spark. An aha-moment. The adrenaline rush that leaves us paralyzed in time. The spark is a feeling outside of our bodies, almost inhuman. It is the underlying message of films, romance books, and advice from our too-far-removed friends in relationships. All telling us this spark is the single most important moment that will launch a fairytale relationship. Juiced up with the burning desire to possess such a novel feeling, we unconsciously look for it.
An objective that may lead us down a road of toxic spark addiction. Contrary to popular belief, the spark is not a one-way ticket to happily ever after.
Instead, it can create unhealthy dating and relationship patterns and expectations. Eventually, reality catches up with us when the dopamine high fades and we see the person for who they are. Still searching for that spark, we head out again, chasing that feeling. A spark is quick and deceiving. It often can get confused with a gut feeling or intuition. It makes us believe that one all-consuming feeling equals connection. But dating and relationships are more than one moment. They are a compilation of experiences, learning about each other, vulnerable conversations, and trust.
All found with time. If we do, each time we spend time with this person, we will be endlessly hoping to experience the feeling again. The spark is simply an exchange of energy. But this can be true for other people and things outside of romantic relationships. A place, a friend, or an alternative career path can all trigger that same feeling.
