When he and I reconnected after years of estrangement in , we focused strictly on our relationship, so Mary and Rebecca are effectively strangers to me. Not only that, but Mary, Rebecca, and my dad are all pretty quiet, where I tend to be more boisterous. So my plan for dinner was simple: Keep it light. Give them the watered-down version of myself that they find more…palatable.
Things were going well until one cup of sake turned into three, then four, and I made a cardinal mistake: I got comfortable. I let the conversation evolve past upcoming school events and weather patterns to what was really on my mind, the weirdness of our union. The conversation at dinner ended with me in tears. I choked down my discomfort to get through the rest of the trip. He reluctantly agreed to do so once I returned to Nairobi.
But after several weeks passed, and my attempts to reach Mary went unreturned, I made a decision. I told my dad I was done with our relationship. The hardest part of all this has been the feeling of isolation. According to Psychology Today , at least one in four people experience estrangement from a family member, while another study found that one in 10 have cut off a parent or child.
Why is family not working? Although I am healing and on the other side of it, I know that I will always have a wound where a healthy father-daughter relationship should be. Raising a child herself inspired content creator Bunny Hedaya to cut ties with her own mother in Call the next day and do the same thing. It was a really sad cycle, along with her mental illness affecting her mood.
Like Cargill, Hedaya chalks up the rise of family estrangement to reframed perspectives on and expectations for familial relationships.
