Culture Features Scoop. A few months ago, a video of a woman trended online where she showed her journey of falling in love and moving to another state to live with her boyfriend of three years. She sacrificed her career and community to build a future with her partner. Unfortunately, he broke up with her shortly after they moved, leaving her heartbroken and disillusioned.
The video incited varied commentary from some women who warned others to never give a man such power over them. Others blamed her for trusting a man fully. I know the importance of emphasising the freedom of women to decide whether they want to partner up or not. Regardless, urging women to believe that disengaging from the emotional aspect of romantic relationships as an act of self-preservation to avoid self-sabotaging is worrying. I understand that historically, the system of patriarchy benefits from women idolising relationships and the men they are involved with.
In many African cultures, marriage is considered the ultimate accomplishment for women and its relevance is propelled by the mental conditioning of women from their early childhoods. While I am not an advocate of women prioritising romantic relationships over all other pursuits, I find it extreme to deny ourselves of our desires because of the fear of mistreatment and hurt. The commentary this video spurred particularly irked me because it hinged on the belief that all men will deceive, cheat on, and abuse their partners.
Although data shows that a significant number of men are unfaithful and abusive, I do not believe that all men are. The men in relationships in my circle of friends and family members are committed, respectful, and emotionally invested in their relationships. I choose to believe that when I do find my partner, he will be too. I acknowledge how difficult it is for women to navigate relationships in this current era of situationships, friends with benefits, and other modern expressions of non-monogamy.
Especially in a city like Lagos, a broken heart is a given and many of its residents walk around with unhealed wounds from past relationships as they hop from one situationship to the next. Also, the rise in transactional mindsets about romantic relationships is further destroying the cesspit of the dating scene in this city. I do not believe that restraining or concealing our emotions will somehow protect women from getting hurt in relationships.
