In my early 70s, I am enjoying the best romantic relationship since my beloved husband died eight years ago. After a number of brief dating experiences and one problematic longer relationship, I have found Jay. He is smart, generous, fascinating, and an enthusiastic and imaginative cook. Add that he is besotted with my dog and my grandson, which makes him the whole package. Yet, in addition to these assets, what really fuels this enduring relationship is that we are a two-household couple.
We are together most nights for engaging conversation and a delicious dinner β generally prepared by him. We started dating casually, then six months later a bad case of sciatica rendered me almost bedridden. Jay would come over, cook for me, help with my exercises and walk my dog. After a few weeks of this, how could I ask him to go home? He is now a rotating fixture in my life, as we share one nurturing relationship between two residences. Jay and I join a growing trend of couples who benefit from loving together and having their individual spaces; an arrangement known as Living Apart Together LAT.
Especially for people who have spent their 20s and 30s single and living alone, independence can be tough to give up. For me and Jay, our lives apart fuel the spark of our lives together. The gift of space allows us to focus on our work and spend alone-time with our family and friends.
And the old adage is true: Absence does make the heart grow fonder β and the romance hotter. At an April meeting of the Population Association of America in Denver, an analysis of responses from some 7, Wisconsin adults, 50 and over, was completed. Her first husband died, and she lived with her next partner for more than two decades, a man she cared for during his illness and who died in her home. For us, we both have adult children who will step up when needed. Another must-have talk revolves around finances.
Do you split grocery and restaurant bills? Theater tickets? Hostess gifts? Travel expenses? Obviously, maintaining separate residences is not affordable to everyone. Yet often those in LAT unions have downsized from family homes to smaller places and can actually save money with reduced household expenses β and from having a partner who shares some lifestyle costs.
