When the ceasefire came, there was a moment of relief that we had escaped death, although we still carry the sadness and pain of everything lost in those 15 months. Palestinians know that there are still more battles ahead, they have to keep fighting, in a war of daily suffering โ the fight for water, for a loaf of bread โ and a war against memories, that bring pain to the heart and madness to the mind.
Still, I woke up full of energy and excitement on Sunday, the day we had been told we could begin returning to the north. I knew the journey would be exhausting, walking long distances on broken roads crowded with other displaced people, but I was eager to return to my beloved home. I followed the news minute by minute, waiting for the announcement that the crossing would open.
Instead, we got news that it would not happen. I went to bed that day thinking about all the people who went to the checkpoint early Saturday night so they could be the first to return. Many had sold their tents to afford the journey back, or even burned their tents out of excitement they were finally leaving behind life in those camps. So they had no shelter that night, and slept in the freezing cold, waiting anxiously for the next morning, hoping their dreams would not be crushed again.
When the announcement came on Monday that the road was open, I felt I could have flown away with joy. We got dressed, packed our bags, and drove as close to the checkpoint as we could get. As we approached on foot, we were drawn into a crowd so big it felt like an endless river of human beings. If you looked back or forward, you could see only the same torrent of people trudging north.
We would walk for 11 hours, covering 15 kilometres. Everyone was very tired, and weighed down with the few possessions they had saved from the war, but the passion to return drove them forward. Our longing to see our homes, even if they were destroyed, was stronger than our exhaustion, and kept our tired legs moving. Clouds of dust stamped up by the passing crowds covered our faces, settling on every strand of hair, turning my eyelashes from black to grey.
