Thankfully I passed after more than 40 lessons and thought I had put those dark days behind me - until I volunteered to captain a narrow boat I travelled with my first mate to Le Somail, in the Minervois region of the South of France, where the glorious tree-lined Canal du Midi snakes through the countryside.
The canal boats have been custom-made in England and shipped over to France by Minervois Cruisers, who were the hosts of our three-day adventure. On arriving our instructor, year-old Emily Davies, from Harrogate, gave us a thorough lesson in how to handle the boat before sending us on our way. Unfortunately no amount of tuition can compensate for an inept captain and I'm sure Emily felt a shudder as she watched the boat zigzag out of control along the canal under my command. Fortunately the boats are designed to be idiot-proof, and after a few near-misses I had the boat motoring along in a semi-straight line.
It was a true joy to travel through the countryside, stopping at lovely little villages along the way. Our trip was only a brief one, and we opted to travel to the town of Beziers, famed for its locks that cascade down the hillside.
The countryside is full of vineyards and as you travel along the canal there are regular signs advertising wine tasting - definitely my favourite hobby while out there. On the last day gale force winds were awaiting us as we slowly plodded back to the dock. What felt like a hurricane took hold as my first mate slept soundly in the cabin, after indulging in a little too much wine.
A series of sudden gusts caused my rudimentary piloting skills to collapse under the pressure - and sent the barge hurtling towards another boat. I managed to steer it away from collision, but all control had gone and the boat spiralled uncontrollably into the middle of the canal. Inside the spinning sent my first mate flying out of bed and there were great crashes from the kitchen as pots hit the floor and glasses smashed in the cupboard.
