Content warning throughout the essay: domestic and sexual violence. In sections that involve trauma, all content warnings will be included in brackets just after the section break. My sex is non-penetrative. My sex is no sex at all, reallyβthat is, if you buy into our cultural narratives. When I use the term queer, I think of myself. Because what is more queerβmore otherβthan sex having nothing to do with our reproductive organs?
What is queerer than sex that involves no penetration, no genital stimulation, no climax? What is queerer than sex that is not sex at all? Nevertheless, this differentiation matters. He points out that mischievous sexuality is that which causes the loss of pleasure, and it is this mischievous variety only that he warns us of. He promotes in its entirety the non-mischievous type. This essay is three-fold:.
Read those before moving on to the new section. Painful heat where Capzasin was rubbed in. Wrists pull slightly against bindings. Stars explode in my periphery through closed eyelids blanketed by soft fabric.
Patters of rain tap dance on the window to my left. Purple splotches of color bud behind closed eyes, bloom and merge, shift with subtle burgundy. Or maybe I did. Tell me what you need , he says. You are here with me now.
You are here with me. You are here with me in our cabin. You are in Provincetown with me. You are warm and safe. Take your time. Tell me what you need. Tell me when you can. Holding me in a bear hug and not letting go until my breathing calmed and my heart rate monitor beeped its alert that I was back below sixty beats per second: the agreed upon protocol if I were to be triggered.
