So while yes, some of those descriptors apply to some BDSM relationships, they certainly do not apply to all, and certainly not without the consent , interest, desire and fulfillment of both partners in mind at all times. At the core of any relationship — vanilla, kinky, friendly, casual, or even professional — is an "exchange of power.
In fact, many traditional marriages falter because of a lack of communication in regard to this dynamic. Prior to an engagement and wedding, each individual has an idealized vision of how power will be exchanged within their marriage.
Some imagine shared financial duties between spouses, with a nanny and housekeeper taking care of everything at home. The variations are endless, and none of these arrangements are inherently good or bad. The trouble arises when a couple marries or otherwise makes a long-term commitment without having expressed these perspectives and ideas to each other beforehand.
The common fall-back of "We love each other, so we'll make it work" basically guarantees a trip to divorce court. BDSM relationships can be particularly satisfying because, when consciously formed, there is direct and ongoing communication about roles and responsibilities. And, of course, on a purely primal level, these dynamics played out in the bedroom are just so damn hot. Arianna Jeret.
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