If you found this site because you did an internet search for one of those questions and want a short answer then here it is: it depends on what you mean by those terms.
If you mean oral or anal sex to point of male ejaculation, or using sex toys for masturbatory purposes, then no, they are gravely sinful. Unfortunately, I cannot be any shorter than that because this is a complex issue. In order to fully explain these issues I have to make a variety of distinctions. If there are any theologians reading this series who have any objections, comments, corrections, etc. I would ask that they address me directly via email.
As always, I submit my writings to the review and correction of the Magisterium. Before you found Catholic Intimacy, you may well have come across sites such as catechism.
The short answer for that, is that these sites are all written by private theologians, so they have just as much authority as this site. That is to say: none. The only value that any of our writings have is in how accurately we explain the teachings of the Church on defined matters and the strength of our arguments on things that the Church has yet to explicitly define. There always have and always will be controversies in the Catholic Church. On any given issue there are usually many schools of thought.
That is not a problem for us. As long as the issue is still open to debate, then healthy dialogue helps to advance the science of theology. An issue becomes closed to debate when the Magisterium infallibly defines the true doctrine on the issue. Until that declaration has been made, each private theologian is free to hold the position that seems most reasonable to him. It is even possible for saints and doctors of the Church to disagree, as we can see with Jerome and Augustine; Aquinas, Bonaventure, and Scotus.
