Jewish tradition teaches that within the closeness of consenting sexual partners lies remarkable holiness. In this way, partners who engage in BDSM cultivate their own kinky kedushah holiness. There is great power in claiming our pleasure, sexuality , spirituality β and where all those facets of ourselves intersect. My hope for you, dear reader, is that you gain insight into the importance of kink culture and how we can engage with it Jewishly.
There are people who engage with only one aspect of BDSM and people who engage with multiple or all aspects. Not all BDSM practice is sexual. The kink and BDSM communities are rooted in communication, care, and consent. This leads me to one of my favorite Jewish values: kavod habriyot or human dignity. The negotiation process that happens before BDSM and kink play is a prime example of this Jewish value. Before engaging in a scene, partners will negotiate roles, safe words, limits, boundaries, aftercare, and the overall expectations for their time together.
This level of transparency and honesty is arguably sacred. In a modern sense, these negotiations can be seen as a form of ketubah β what is traditionally a marriage contract. Consent is crucial and is a Jewish value. When the foundation between partners is dignity and respect, it will only amplify the release we experience β bringing us closer to feeling a bit more divine. As Jews, we put great emphasis on rituals.
What if there were a way to combine them with kink? Well, there is! For those who pray tachanun , a section of prayer that contains petition and confession during weekday morning and afternoon services, a key part is called nefilat apayim, falling on the face. Today, this looks more like keeping our heads down, buried in our arms, but the tradition stems from two biblical verses β Numbers and Joshua β when people knelt until their faces touched the ground in an act of total and complete submission to God.
Other Jewish rituals, too, feel like they have kinky potential to me. BDSM and kink involve uniquely engaging the sensesβa key part of many Jewish rituals. During havdalah, when we close out Shabbat, elements of ritual employ all five senses, leaving us with a feeling of transformation. On Yom Kippur , when we pound on our chest during the Viddui prayer, it can remind me of impact play, any practice that involves striking the body.
