Marriages change when a long-term illness comes into the picture. Those nine years were spent transitioning from having harmony in our marriage to navigating a relationship wrought with challenges. We were constantly adjusting how we communicated with each other.
Long-term illness can either destroy a marriage or transform it into something extraordinary. Common marriage goals, and the dynamic involved in sharing equal responsibilities of raising children, carrying out household duties, and contributing financially, morph into a caregiver-patient dynamic. We needed to adapt how we communicated to prevent each other from feeling unheard. We caregivers can also feel angry and disappointed.
With such an outlet, I found it was easier to temper my toughest emotions, because fundamentally, it was the disease that had upended my world, not Aubrey. The moment Aubrey was diagnosed, I came to the painful realization that my expectations for our future together no longer mattered. Reading this passage forced me to accept that though the future had radically changed for Aubrey and me, I could choose to live in the present with him. I understood that expectations can lead to disappointment, so rather than expect things, I had to be intentional and live each moment with him.
Loving someone who is dying takes a great toll on the caregiver. When I noticed that he was withdrawn, I dug deeper to try to cheer him up. I was wound up tightly like a ball, in a constant state of alarm. With Aubrey, I recognized the need to better myself so I could help him. I began talking with close friends, and even with my own children, about what I was experiencing.
When we open up, help will come. I hope you find these tips helpful. If you have additional thoughts on the subject, please share in the comments below. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
